I remember when I was young; I used to get bored and daydream a lot. Maybe that is why I used to write. But I always, always hated getting bored, especially during mornings when school was off. We did not have cable connections, so watching TV was not always an option. I did not have many storybooks as well; whatever I had, I had already exhausted. I remember getting so bored that I had to resort to the sports page from the newspaper.
But all in all, I hated that feeling. It has been a few years since I have felt that, actually, a lot more than a few. I don’t get bored anymore.
I always thought that was a good thing until a few days ago when I felt like I had been escaping or numbing my thoughts. When we are bored, we are forced to sit and listen to the voices in our heads. Honestly, I was avoiding it because, let’s be real, there are a lot of things I want to change in my life, and the voices in my head were always like, “loser, boring, nothing new, nothing new, nothing new.” It made me crazy, so I would either resort to Instagram reels or YouTube, or maybe some background noise while I am doing mundane tasks.
I decided to do an experiment, to stop the background noise; no more Instagram reels, no more YouTube videos when I am doing something else. The silence was scary, and I felt so bored. I really did not want to live like that, but it forced me to look into myself, to look into what I was actually doing, to live more intentionally. Somehow, I felt better. No earphones on the road, I started observing the outside. I have been making every decision intentionally. I am not going to quit the internet because I like feeling like a part of the world, but I am definitely not going to escape anymore.
Not behind books, anime, YouTube videos, or music, I am not going to escape from my life anymore. As someone told me once: “It is not the same; this moment, this day has never happened in the past, nor will it happen in the future again.”
So why am I escaping from my own life and my own voice?
I want to find my own voice and understand myself. This obviously does not mean that I will stop watching movies or reading books, but from now on, it won’t be a default; it will just be a hobby.
I am no longer escaping my life.
How to stop escaping from your own life?
Start getting bored; stop hiding behind social media, alcohol, or any distractions; listen to what your voice wants to tell you. Stop avoiding life because it’s slipping away every moment.
